Ryan Murphy is back with his hit anthology series, American Horror Story, this time with Cult. AHS: Cult is set in the present after the aftermath of the 2016 election between Donald Trump (aka 45) and Hillary Rodham Clinton. This season brings back fan favorites of the series Sarah Paulson (who plays Ally) and Evan Peters (who plays Kai Anderson), while introducing newcomers like Scream Queens standout, Billy Lourd (who plays Winter Anderson and Kai’s sister). The season opener premiered on Sept. 5 and boy was it an opener to remember!?
Cult begins with everyone’s nightmare becoming reality; 45 winning the election against Hillary who conceded. We see a Scandal-esque scene where Ally and her wife Ivy (played by Allison Pill) and friends are having an election watch party. The scene cuts between this party and Kai screaming, “Fuck you!” to the TV he’s watching alone. When the news breaks that 45 officially won, Ally has a complete breakdown and we all, the viewers, can do is say to ourselves, “Same sis…Same…”
Kai however, goes into happy, victory, celebration complete with him humping his TV set and grinding up Cheeto Dust (catch it) in a blender and applying it to his face. He then goes to his sister Winter’s room who is on the phone with her friend. Winter is just as upset as every other non-45 fan in America and is lamenting the election results with her friend on the phone.
The friend on the phone then asks Winter if she’s alright and asks if she’s going to start cutting herself again. There’s a brief pause and before Winter can answer Kai comes and scares her and she starts trying to get him to leave. Kai then holds up his pinky like how you do for a pinky swear and Winter returns the gesture. She then says, “I’m just so scared.” and Kai replies back with, “Everyone is…”
Back to Ally an ‘nem…Ivy is trying to console Ally on the couch and their son is in the kitchen with the nanny. Ally is going crazier than a cricket in a hubcap by this time and telling Ivy she can’t even begin to think of her breathing exercises let alone do them.
There’s an Asian-American family (The Changs) with Ally and the others and the husband is angry! Marilyn Chang comes up to him and tells him to calm down and he tells her to shut up and that she should’ve voted (which she should have). But instead she was trying to protest and that the results are all her fault along with everyone else who decided to not vote or enter a protest vote for any other candidate. Ally and Ivy’s son (Ozzy) comes into the living and says that he doesn’t want his moms to not be married anymore and they both reassure him that that’s never going to happen.
Here’s where things start to get crazy so buckle up…
TWISTY IS BACK!!!
Yes the beloved clown serial killer from Freak Show is back. It’s the 20th anniversary of when Twisty killed the two kids who were on a picnic together and it’s two new kids laying in the exact same spot where the previous two were killed.
The kids are about to rock-a-knock in the boots but the girl (we’ll call her Becky) stops the boy (we’ll call him Billy) because she says that she can feel someone watching them. Billy assures her that she has nothing to worry about but again Becky tells him to stop. Then Twisty comes out and reannacts exactly what he did 20 years prior in that spot. He tries to entertain the kids and Billy tries to shoot Twisty (freaking idiot…).
Twisty then hacks this boy up worse than my granddaddy on a clear sunny day at his chicken farm. Becky is still standing there like a deer in the headlights then finally moves when Twisty takes a step towards her. She runs into an abandoned bus and Twisty follows her and kills her.
Come to find out, Ozzy is reading a comic book that is playing all of this out and Ally pulls the covers from over his head. She asks what he’s doing and he says nothing. She says it’s alright if he was looking at bare breast or an erect penis and just to show her. Ozzy shows her the comic book and Ally goes into yet another anxiety attack. She suffers from a bad case of coulrophobia (fear of clowns). Ivy has to come into the room to calm her down and Ozzy doesn’t know what to do. Finally Ivy gets Ally and Ozzy calm enough to go to bed.
Meanwhile, Kai is trying to stop a law from being passed for police officers to stand guard at a Jewish center to get overtime pay. Here is where we start to see just how sick and twisted Kai is!
The monologue that ensues is about fear and how it affects people on a day to day basis. He then says that the center doesn’t need more officers but that they should just let the center be blown up. So the judge stops him and asks him if they should just let all hell break loose and then hope that people come running to them for help. Basically Kai gets shut down and leaves the courtroom. Before leaving he mutters to himself. When the judge asks him to repeat himself Kai says,
“There is nothing more dangerous in this world than a humiliated man.”
At the psychiatrist’s office Ally is talking with him about how her phobias and anxiety have gotten worse since the election results. She says that she’s only been getting by and that she’s been going through the motions. The psychiatrist says that she’s gotten through it though. Ally interjects and says that it was all due to Ivy helping her.
Then something magial happens…Ally begins talking about Uncle Barack! “When Barack was elected it felt like all the wrong was made right. Like I finally was a part of the conversation!” YES! Afterwards, the psychiatrists tells her to unplug and get back to her and prescribes her some medicine. She says she doesn’t like to take medicine but he says it’s going to help her.
After her meeting Ally decides to go grocery shopping. There’s not a soul in there except for the cashier. She says hello and brings up small talk. She begins talking about the election and the cashier takes out a MAGA hat and says it’s good that we finally have a real leader in office. Ally walks away (she’s better than me…) and then hears some static. She looks in the mirror and she sees two clowns staring at her. When she turns around there was no one there. So Ally starts walking around and gets to the produce section. There she sees two clowns hunchin’ on the melons (REALLY !? RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE MELONS?!). This of course sends Ally over as her phobia takes completely over.
She runs around the store and grabs the nearest bottle of wine and throws it at a pursuing clown on an electrical scooter. There’s a grocery story full of clowns, a scared white woman, and no one in sight for help. Finally, she gets to her car and calls Ivy for help. Ivy tells her to stay there and she’s calling the police. Ally looks up and sees a clown and she pushes on the breaks and hits the lightpole in front of her. At the house, Ivy goes to tell Ally that no one was in the store, no clowns were seen, just Ally on the security camera throwing bottles of wine and screaming.
The next day Ally and Ivy are talking about the future of their restaurant and Ivy feels that Ally hasn’t really been there the way that she was there in the beginning. Afterwards, they’re heading back home when Ally tells Ivy that she voted for Jill Stein instead of Hillary and this sends them into another argument. A couple of minutes of arguing ensure when all of a sudden they both get a face full of latte. It’s Kai who says sorry and that they were in the way. Ally says that there was plenty of room on the sidewalk for him to walk around (which there was) and he calls them both a bitch then walks off.
The next day they’re holding interviews for the open nanny spot (the old one was Mexican and left right after the election results came in) and Winter comes in. As they’re questioning her it goes to a conversation between her and Kai. Kai gives her a run down of the rules. They have to interlock pinkies and whenever Kai asks her a question she has to answer with brutal honesty. Kai begins asking any and everything from her most intense moment of pleasure (anal sex with blood and poop) to what scares her the most (Kai himself). Ally and Ivy then ask her when can she start.
Kai is presumably drunk and sees a group of Hispanic people and begins singing La Cucaracha towards them while urinating in a condom. He then calls them wetbacks and hurls the piss filled condom towards them which bursts on contact and they all come over and commence to whooping his BEHIND (rightfully so). The camera pans out and we see that someone is recording the whole ordeal. So was this planned or is there going to be an anonymous savior?
Ally and Ivy are on a date which seems to be going well and we see that Winter is taking care of Ozzy. Winter then starts asking Ozzy about his family and who is his “real mommy.” Ozzy deflects and Winter comments on the picture he’s drawing. It’s Twisty stabbing Billy like how it was in the comic book. Winter then asks him if he’s ever seen a real dead body before. Back at the date Ally’s phobias are starting to take form again where her crumpette begins to bleed then a clown appears right beside he table standing over her. Ally begins to search around the restaurant and Ivy is confused because it’s only her and and Ally in there right now. Ivy then asks Ally if she’s been taking her medicine and Ally replies back no. Popping back to Winter she’s showing Ozzy videos of people being killed and Ozzy says that he doesn’t want to watch it anymore. Winter says that it’ll make him stronger like a vaccination and goes to make cookies. Ozzy then goes upstairs and looks outside and sees an ice cream truck. Out pops clowns and they’re at the Chang residence.
Ally and Ivy are on the way back from their date and when they pull up they see that their entire neighborhood has been turned into a scene right out of CSI: New York. Ally calls for Ozzy and he pops up. Ozzy tells his moms that he saw clowns get out of an ice cream truck and they started staring at him. He goes to run and get Winter and she takes him across the street to the Chang’s place. Winter sees a window and hoists Ozzy up to see what’s going on and inside he sees the clowns slit Chancellor Chang’s throat and have Marilyn tied up. One of the clowns looks up at him and sees him through the window and he hops back down.
Winter’s recollection of the events is totally different though! She says that Ozzy only came downstairs when he saw police cars and there weren’t any clowns or anything that she could see. To back this claim up when Ally asks the police about what happen the person in charge says that it was a murder-suicide. Ally is then seen in bed and she is awaken by a loud noise. She asks Ivy, who should be in bed with her, if she heard that but when she turns around to see if Ivy is there she is met with a clown in her bed.
So what’s really happening?? Are we all going crazy or is Ally really seeing these clowns?! I don’t know but Ryan has me SHOOK! I want to believe Ally but at the same time I’m saying HEFFA TAKE YOUR MEDS! Hopefully, this doesn’t cause a strain on the family and Ally gets some real help but right now this season is set to be the craziest, creepiest season yet! I’m here for it all! But did y’all peep that during the election there was an uprising of these clown sitings? Until next Tuesday… Stay woke!